When I started this sharing my journey, I challenged myself to be as open as possible. So I can’t wrap it up without talking about giving up. Because it is a real thing!
As you might imagine, living with a life-limiting chronic illness can result in lots of emotions! There are 5 stages of grief. denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Moving through these stages allows us to process change as we get used to a new reality.
Some people, bless their hearts, breeze straight through to acceptance. But some, like me, bob in and out of each stage like a tiny canoe trying it’s best to navigate the waves of the ocean.
I can imagine that the notion of a loved one thinking about giving up is incredibly scary and uncomfortable for some. Despite that, I feel it’s important to allow a person to ride each wave of their emotional journey on their own terms. No judgment…no rushing. It’s unhealthy to let feelings go unacknowledged. God willing we’ll make it to shore in due time.
I also understand that this isn’t a solo journey. I’m blessed with a wonderful support crew that’s riding in this crazy canoe with me. So when I think of giving up, I think of my amazing family and friends who have poured so much love, prayer and energy into keeping me afloat. Thank you!
Mostly I think of my sweet hubby Denny. Can I just gush for a minute about what an incredible blessing he is? He’s been my rock through all of this. Leaning hard on his faith for the both of us. No sugar coating here, being my caregiver is no cake walk. His ability to continue to forgive and serve with patience, love and an open heart has been my greatest gift. Denny, I’m so grateful for you.
With his help through this journey, I’ve developed the ability to truly experience what gratitude looks and feels like. As challenging as life has been, I know it could be much worse. And I’m able to appreciate the improvements I’ve experienced since the onset of my symptoms. I know that I’m blessed and that prayers have been answered during this journey.
Over the past 5 years, Scleroderma has loomed big over my life. But you know what’s bigger…My God and the survivor’s spirit he’s nurtured in my heart. Evenings are the hardest. When everything slows down and I crawl into bed, Scleroderma is just getting going, unleashing discomfort, anxiety and restlessness. It’s during these dark nights that I hear God whisper, “it’s ok. I got you and we’ve got this. Tomorrow is another day.”
I truly believe that…
* God has a plan for me…
* This battle is God’s and not mine, I just need to release it to him…
* God’s mercy renews each day…
* God = Hope
When I wake in the morning I’m reminded of my favorite lines to the song Alive and Breathing by Matt Maher. https://youtu.be/gYUJjsgd96k
“Joy still comes in the morning
Hope still walks with the hurting
If you're still alive and breathing
Praise the Lord
Don't stop dancing and dreaming
There's still Good News worth repeating
So lift your head and keep singing
Praise the Lord.”
One of my goals in life is to be a blessing to others when I can. I hope that my way of spreading awareness and educating others about Scleroderma this month has been a help/inspiration to someone.
Praise the Lord indeed
